Article by Rick Jensen (Turboguy). Video courtesy of Wildman Cenni.
I witnessed that horror show of a "nature” video that just made the rounds where a giant leech sucked down an entire worm like pasta. Did you see that nightmare fuel? Holy crap, how in this supposed civilized world of ours does a freakin’ monster Twizzler inhale a 30-inch-long worm? The Giant Red Leech reminded me of Jeff, the giant worm in MIB 2. It’s also a dead ringer for my ex-wife.
So there I was, all sensitive and dealing with my stunted man emotions, when the Revvolution death star fired off an assignment about a stunt man. It is a review of an Adrian "Wildman” Cenni video, and was dubbed the "Worst Stunt Driver Ever” by my overlords. C’mon, man, I’ve done things with an International Scout, some ice and a toboggan (and beer) that rank at the top (bottom?) of any "Worst” stunt driving list. Unfortunately, I can’t prove it, as the video camera hadn’t been invented yet.
Anyway, Cenni can’t be the worst. Because I’ve known about him for about three minutes tops, and I’ve already got a big ‘ol man crush on the guy. One of the first things his website shows you is his pic compared to Our Lord Ricky Bobby. As God is my witness, Wildman is a dead ringer for the world’s best, fake stock car driver. That is clearly a plus. And then you start flipping through his photos and videos, which are named things like "Wall Ride” and "Barrel Roll” and show his truck in various states of gravity defying angles. Ones that surely ended up wrecking that pretty orange truck right after the shutter snapped.
Okay, so before we get to this next section, remember that this guy is a New Yorker, a successful club racer, a freakin’ Olympic luge… person (luger?) and a competitor in The Off-Road Championship truck series. Those are amazing things that successful people do, which take at least half a brain.
That last part is important, as this vid is titled "Barrel Roll 360 Fail” and starts out with ‘ol Wildman slurring his way through a very short explanation for said barrel roll fail. Is he drunk? Bored? Permanently concussed? Dear reader, we just don’t know. A transcript of that speech goes something like this: "WildmantuningP90Xpilotstodoanthreehundertnsixtgree…barrelrolltaflatground.” Oh… right. Got it.
Then it cuts to an in-truck shot of him leaving a stadium’s tunnel and haulin’ balls toward the ramp. The fireworks pop off, the surely Bud-Light-drinking fans scream and Wildman hits the ramp.
In a trick he’s done countless times before, the Ford truck spins off the ramp, starts rotating and makes only about 300 degrees of rotation before carnage ensues. Props to whoever bolted the GoPro to this deathmobile because a couple more rolls happen "taflatground” and that sucker takes a beating.
The Ford finally stops rolling, and Wildman quickly jumps onto the roof. If there’s any doubt about this guy’s cosmic connection to the vacant Ricky Bobby, check out the hip roll action/vacant stare around 1:07. The text claims "Happy to be alive.…” but with this dude, I think it’s more like "Happy To Be.” Wildman, you’re goddamn brilliant. Driving-wise.